a few pints

[nick lamb]

Buggered off to The Algarve the other Friday morning for a wedding bash.The plan was to arrive on friday lunchtime and check in,than head off into Villamora to meet a customer to look at a job he's embarking on and talk business......or just talk sh##e and have a liquid late lunch.
The plan (as allways) didn't go to plan due mainly to the fact that when our taxi pulled up at the very nice Sherreton Pine Cliffs golf resort niether my wife or I wanted to leave it again to go trudging around a Portugese bulding plot in 90 degree heat.So we didn't.
The hotel is luxury and is host to some celeb's from time to time including Liz Hurley who I fancy some what.alot actually.My wife is keen on Al Pachino and we have a pact that if ever the chance came off for me to nail Miss Hurley or for Mrs lamb to chat with that nice Mafia boss godfather chap,then it would be ok.
However,I never saw her.She is otherwise preoccupied with that Ausralian thug Mr Warne.
Anyway,we checked in and went to one of the bars for a drink as we hadn't had anything since the rather good breakfast we consumed at Frankie and Bennies diner at Manchester airport.Scrambled eggs and bacon on a lightly toasted muffin and a pot of tea.The choice of beer in Portugal seems to be Sagres and it wasn't bad at all.The barman did frown though when I requested a pint as they only served bloody halves.
I never thought at this time that some 12 hours later My wife would be running around this exclusive gaff with out her clothes on...........
to be continued.

[Jeremy Rowland]

Look forward to the next installment! Your life has the makings of a good soap opera Nicky I did write up part of my life on the spanners back in the eighties but I won't be making it public, lets just say that would make another soap opera.
Beats my last Friday any way hope you have the pics too...........

Jeremy

[68a]

afterwards we met up with some guests that I knew from Nigels previous weddings and went on abit of a bender that took us from a truckstop selling piri piri chicken and sardines that were tempered by verde wine and more Sagres beers.We then went for some proper grub in a posh gaff that specialised in beef from around the world which is right up my street.A 300 gram slab of Inverurie Rib later and I'm about as happy as can be
Afterwards my clock was showing 2.30am ish so we all went over the road to a little bar that seemed only to happy to serve us with port and some undrinkable muck that was on fire.
to be continued..

[v64paul]

Rowswood timber goes international !

[68a]

Actually V54 Paul,I do a fair bit in Iceland for some strange reason.However I used to export a fait bit to the States,Ausrialasia and Africa but due to legal red tape I just can't be bothered as there was easier money to be made on these shores.Still deal in Africa occasionally though.
Back to Portugal......after we left the bar to go back to the room at the hotel my wife and I went rooting through the mini bar in the room as I fancied some water(in the mistaken belief that it would completely avert a hangover the following morning).My wife thought the idea as 'utter tosh' and proceeded to contstruct a large Gin and Tonic spilling most of it in the process.She than remembered seeing an icemaker on one of the corridors leading to our room and asked me to go and fetch some as she had undressed.I told her that I couldn't be ar##d so she promptly headed out totally starkers to try and find it!.I quickly stumbled into my trousers and ran after her.I soon found her kicking at the ice maker and suddenly realising that she was naked and 'could she have my trousers please?'....no she couldn't.
I pressed the button and it noisily dispensed some chunks causing a fair old racket which in turn resulted in a Jewish Rabbi in his dressing gown coming out of his bedroom to have a look.
My wife just smiled at him and I quietly dragged her back to our room thanking god that we didn't know him and went to bed.

[68a]

The following morning we were up and about pretty handy considering what we'd ingested the night before and we headed down to the breakfast restaurant for an feast of excellent bacon,eggs,sausage,mushrooms etc,not to mention some nice cereals and fruits.The tea and toast wasn't bad either.Fortunately,we didn't see the Rabbi.

[68a]

I have to interject a little bit here with a tale from home that involved a brewing problem with T.C and the landlady of my local pub where he lodges when he's working with me.I don't want to taint my 'scheduled maintanence' thread with Tony's impending problem so will post it here as 'a few pints' were involved.
To those of you that don't know him,he's quite witty,engaging and somewhat charming when he's off the subject of mechanical things.He fits in quiet nicely with with the locals and barstaff.We eat there on an evening and then retire to the bar to offer advice and opinions to anyone that's in earshot.On a Tuesday there is a quiz night that tends to cater for the inhabitants of the local nucleur research lab' and we try to answer a few questions.....I have to say that it's a tough quiz that Mr Paxman would be proud off and that Tony and I have no real comprehension of what the hell is going on.
Anyway,allthough he seems very fond of Mrs Claw (who I look forward to meeting one day because she's fit) he has a certain charm with the ladies and this hasn't gone un noticed by our fearsome landlady.She couldn't be bothered to get out of bed the following morning to feed him at 6 am so tried to sweet talk him into not having breakfast.She put him on the spot to be fair and poor Tony couldn't really be expected to demand his full English so he kindly turned her offer of getting out of bed at that hour to feed him down.
Fat Bulgarian Cow..'But Tonyeee,eye 'ave been up seence severrn am and am veery tired.My 'usbaand and brootheers are away and eye am ear by myself all alone'.....Tony is flashing her a big pearly white smile and I am starting to feel disturbed.Tony.....'oh,don't worry about it love,I can get something at Nicky's.You need your sleep love'....Fat Bulgarian Cow......'But Tonyeee,eye feel guiltee arbout you.eye weel go an fetch some nice apples from my gardeeen for you my friend'........Tony( he's now wishing he was in a hole and not in her sights)..'oh there's really no need love' but she's gone.......presumeably to her garden.I telling him now that she's obviously abit keen on him and he needs to cool his heals abit.He doesn't need telling twice as he was only trying to be nice to her and is now wondering how to nail his bedroom door shut

[68a]

The brute actually returns a few minuites later with a plate of fresh apples and a Chocolate bar for him 'Theese are for you Tonyee,eye pick them myself.Look 'ow pink and red they are(tony's eyes are opening wider than than a bull frog now).'open the peenk flesh 'an see 'ow jucyee they are inside Tonyee (I'm choking on my Fosters now and Tonys going a funny colour).
Fortunately a problem in the kitchen forces her to go and we decide it would be a good time for a hasty departure too.
The following morning he seemed in one piece and was keen to return home to Mrs Claw.
A lucky escape for our hero.

[tctractors]

The Lady actually said look at my lovely red apples, they are pink inside? and yes I would have done my Duty as every Man would have?? and checked to see if it was pink inside??? possibly after a few more beers though.

[jcb4cx]

The Lady actually said look at my lovely red apples, they are pink inside? and yes I would have done my Duty as every Man would have?? and checked to see if it was pink inside??? possibly after a few more beers though.

Good man